boo.

2005-06-25T23:41:00.000-07:00

-the ex-boyfriend messaged! he wished me all the best for my (non-existent) tests and upcoming nationals. it's a nice gesture, to give him some credit. i do admit that i've missed him somewhat. on second thoughts, though, i wonder if it's him that i've missed or the feeeling of being together that i'm missing.

2005-06-21T03:38:00.000-07:00

-Had a bad day againShe said I would not understandShe left a note and said "I'm sorry, I had a bad day again."Spilled her coffee, broke her shoelaceSmeared the lipstick on her faceSlammed the door and said "I'm sorry, I had a bad day again."t'was in bad taste, really.

2005-06-19T10:11:00.000-07:00

Not My Best Side.an excerpt:It's hard for a girl to be sure ifShe wants to be rescued. I mean, I quiteTook to the dragon. It's nice to beLiked, if you know what I mean. He wasSo nicely physical, with his clawsAnd lovely green skin, and that sexy tail,And the way he looked at me,He made me feel he was all ready toEat me. And any girl enjoys that.So when this boy turned up, wearing machinery,On a

2005-06-19T09:54:00.000-07:00

-i don't feel good,but it doesn't matter i guess.it's just another random period of time when i just go numb and coincidentally it seems like everyone's walking away. i kinda know that i'm not really being abandoned but you know, i need assurance?shuffle's playing a horrible mix of songs nowi feel ugly, fat and stupid.(hurrah, i'm facing up to reality.)

2005-06-19T05:14:00.000-07:00

-been in a stupor all dayit's probably heat-induced.he acts like a jilted lover,UGH.

2005-06-17T23:47:00.000-07:00

just to make myself feel better.me!

2005-06-17T23:33:00.000-07:00

-from last year:one look at the competitors list is all it takes to make me crumble. so scared, just so scared that i'll fail to meet expectations. just so afraid to disappoint.one year later the same fear still strikes meyou'd have thought that six years and so many competitions lateri'd be a lot more confident than i am now.and i can't quite decide if i should just be glad that it'll finally be

2005-06-15T09:51:00.000-07:00

-It's the same old story of love and glory that broke before it bent--It's a strange emotion this but there's still hope in this.

2005-06-15T09:28:00.000-07:00

falsified.think we need to talk / you should talk to xxx is rather overused and misused. rather like a pretence, a stab at appearing mature and resolving matters in a grown-up fashion.we need to talk and miraculously issues appear to be resolved? nah, we never get to the point, to the crux of the issue. we're all just too busy defending ourselves to actually make any attempt at settling

2005-06-15T09:05:00.000-07:00

-feel so indignant for mum.i know i'm not the best of daughters myselfbut i do put in the effortand i try extra hard when i know i haven't been particularly nice to her lately.mums/dads are amazing,do appreciate them, really.

2005-06-15T08:32:00.000-07:00

-becoming weird(er).heh.let's see.i have a new hair brush from The Body Shop.it's a great brush and it feels mighty good using it.i did thirty-nine questions of chem today.training ended early today and i had the opportunity to just sit outside the sports com. and watch the sky become dark. watch the throwers training. talk to jx and w. just do some thinking in general. good stuff.for a while i'd

2005-06-14T07:33:00.000-07:00

shoot me please.i killed fifty trees today.

2005-06-14T03:41:00.000-07:00

-the scale must be broken or something,the BIG FAT LIAR.i'm going to add 5kg to what it shows.

2005-06-14T03:26:00.000-07:00

-this world is deadi am fatand i am depressed,NOW are you happy?

2005-06-12T19:59:00.000-07:00

-Baby, baby, baby when all your love is gone Who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world.say shiiiing and let me know this world is still alive.for the uninitiated-- say shiiiing = sign guestbook.link's at the top left hand corner.But if the bright lights don't receive youYou should turn yourself around and come on home.

2005-06-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

don't say a word.just hold meand save me.

2005-06-12T08:16:00.000-07:00

downhill.MM issueismake mecrazydie wanttoscaredstarewhy am i so huge-i have nothing,this is scary.

2005-06-12T07:56:00.000-07:00

-mm the frustration.look at the mess on my table.then printer doesn't want to work.IMPORTANT: my chair's getting more comfy which meansFAT ALERT - i'm growing more fats on my ass.somehow i feel like i'm going nowhere.and rather abandoned.i feel awful.

2005-06-11T19:54:00.000-07:00

the sky is falling and no one knows.I've got nothing else to lose,I lost it all when I found you.

2005-06-11T06:23:00.000-07:00

-first and foremost-- do not. i repeat, do not eat the chicken foldovers from MacDonald's. even if their methods of preparation are supposedly healthier, well check this out. one chicken foldover contains 466 calories which is almost twice that of a hamburger. and the amounts of cholesterol and fat aren't any lower than the other burgers in the menu. the only good thing about it is how

2005-06-10T09:47:00.000-07:00

-everytime i see you falling i'll get down on my knees and pray.

2005-06-10T08:15:00.000-07:00

-can't help but wonder sometimeswhat it'd be like if i had a brotheror simply a sibling that i was close to.my sister and i aren't closewhich i really feel is a pityi wonder if family is really like how it's depicted on tvwith siblings close to each otheretc.i can't ever imagine myself walking into my sister's roomand saying, "hey jie, how was your day?"she's probably think i got possessed or

2005-06-09T08:42:00.000-07:00

-freezing in my room now,will turn off the air-conditioner in a minute and turn in.today passed by well,thumbs up for that :]i'm so glad for the good company this past week, really.

2005-06-09T07:19:00.000-07:00

-If I had a tale that I could tell you,I'd tell a tale sure to make you smile.If I had a wish that I could wish for you,I'd make a wish for sunshine for all the while.

2005-06-08T06:27:00.000-07:00

-some neighbours singing karaoke nowit's quite amusing cos they keep singing off-tune or in the wrong keyheh.training was quite terrible todaywoebegone wednesdays,it's always the aftermath of marvellous mondays.

2005-06-07T21:15:00.000-07:00

-Put on my blue suede shoesAnd I boarded the planeTouched down in the land of the Delta BluesIn the middle of the pouring rain.

2005-06-07T20:52:00.000-07:00

if i could tell the world just one thing it would be..It would be that we're all OKAnd not to worry 'cause worry is wastefulAnd useless in times like theseI won't be made uselessI won't be idle with despairI will gather myself around my faithFor light does the darkness most fear.

2005-06-06T08:41:00.000-07:00

-liar, liarpants on fire.-quite exhausted,haven't been sleeping well.luckily it's the holidaysbut it's all passing by so quickly, too quickly.

2005-06-04T22:55:00.000-07:00

-lovely day out yesterday--SUSHI.my virgin sushi experienceit wasn't bad at all i guess.

2005-06-04T22:44:00.000-07:00

-don't let there be a hole in the world tomorrow.

2005-06-03T02:47:00.000-07:00

east, west, home's best.training camp was casualty-riddenit's really quite a blow for the boys' team.owell.i'm just glad to be home(there's no place like home)finally got started on some chem.quite pissed off by entree stuff but heck.no leap of faith, unfortunatelyjust a step back.glad for this period of timewhere i can finally withdraw myselffrom this world and feelings.i'm contented with just

2005-05-31T07:52:00.000-07:00

-it's one of the rare times when i realize my heart isn't entirely made of stone, but i also realize that i have to do some reverse Midas-touch thing and turn myself to stone.BATU.

2005-05-29T01:12:00.000-07:00

fool's garden.sometimes i wonder if i'm just being terribly stupid.or what.prelims in a few months' timeA levels a while after that,but all i can do is dream of the pure unadulterated freedom i will enjoy post-A levels.i just can't bring myself to sit down and get started on revisioni just keep thinkingand thinking.watching tv.watching fake stupid shows that depict life in a totally inaccurate

2005-05-28T06:52:00.000-07:00

time-out.it's like having twenty thousand forks when all you need is a spoon.

2005-05-28T04:14:00.000-07:00

-Dance with me, because if you've got the poison, I've got the remedy.

2005-05-27T18:37:00.000-07:00

-Lay your headdown to bedAnd let your slumber sweep your cares away.In your dreamsChase moonbeamsAll the way across the Milky Way.

2005-05-26T05:47:00.000-07:00

-it'll be the last day of the term tomorrow.i am so thankful for that.i'm being driven up the wallit's been horriblethe sky-high highsand the murky depths of the lowsswinging from one end to the otheri've forgotten who i am.one wrist assassinates another.anxiously, lonelily,like a leaking tap, stilllets fall flowers of blood.-runny.not too good huh.

2005-05-24T09:04:00.000-07:00

-We don't talk much anymoreWe keep running from the painBut what I wouldn't give to see your face again-your eyesslide by minewhen we passeach other in the corridors,no longer meeting.perhaps it's timefor indifferenceto take it from here.

2005-05-22T21:01:00.000-07:00

yesterday.Fiesta: The Sun Also Rises- Ernest HemingwayCrime and Punishment- Fyodor DostoyevskyAn American Breakfast- Hideo Asanoand i met Hideo Asano in person!"do you know which are the good books?"and we talked for more than an hour.actually he talked and i listened.Be meek wild flowerUnseen yet always unsmilingAlways be yourself-Hideo Asano

2005-05-21T05:45:00.000-07:00

-am officially not sick anymore,if i can b/p three times in a dayevidently i must be feeling very much better.weekends are evil,long weekends even more so.i'm hoping to make a trip to kino tomorrowthere's twenty percent offand i need some stuff to read to keep me going.off to do my sit-ups,i'm getting a beer belly.yong tau foo belly. apple belly.whatever.

2005-05-20T05:17:00.000-07:00

-it's unsettlingto not train on a training day.it's strangehow i've complained about training this yearmore than i've ever had in my years in rgs.things were just so much better in a sensethat there was so much to work for;there was a team that had their hearts, hopes and aims as one.

2005-05-20T03:38:00.000-07:00

-oh having fun and enjoying yourself is definitely important.not denying it.but sometimes words just fail you,that's when silences need not be awkwardit's just being there that counts.

2005-05-20T02:29:00.000-07:00

home free.have never been home this early on a friday for years-hooray for being sick.You make my world a summer dayAre you just a dream to fade away?

2005-05-17T08:37:00.000-07:00

-dear friend:you know i care for youand i hate seeing you in this state.maybe i don't understand because i've become somewhat apathetic towards this funny thing called lovebut you need to pull yourself togetherand move on.easier said than done, i know.but what's wrong with trying?-finally completed PFT todaythe last one of my life..!cheers.-at the beginning of another extreme mood-swing phase. b/

2005-05-15T05:27:00.000-07:00

-quite amusing-looking, at least to me:

2005-05-15T04:40:00.000-07:00

-broccoli for dinner!makes me happy.good ol' Brocky.

2005-05-14T05:48:00.000-07:00

-heyy.hem, hem.read harry potty today,it was fun not doing work.Freaky Friday yesterdayfor about five minutes.but i'm really very relievedthank goodness for being meticulous, i suppose.-been more touch-phobic than usual lately.plethora of random people who make me feel so uncomfortable.i tell them not to touch mebut they think it's funnyand do it again on purpose.ugh.

2005-05-11T06:05:00.000-07:00

-lots of tests coming up,school work,and plenty of those miscellaneous things to doplus trainings are getting tougherit's starting to make me feel rather anxious.and anxious ham does not equal happy ham.i need to take a breatherand i need someone to save me.

2005-05-09T06:14:00.000-07:00

-what's happening?it's not supposed to happen.it's scary.

2005-05-08T07:35:00.000-07:00

superfluous.it never ceases to amaze mehow every time i read what she writesi realize that it's exactly how i feel insideit's uncanny.somehow it's a source of comfortknowing that i'm not alone in my madness.but after seeing how she's put everything into words so aptly,anything i say seems redundant.-i'm tired.from gymmingand i need a hug.the shut-up-don't-say-a-word-just-hold-me kind.that's the

2005-05-06T08:41:00.000-07:00

erh.yes it's a sudden influx of entries,result of the aches and painsof my bodyheartsoulmindrunning amok.i'm not sadjust tired i suppose.oh yes and i'm rather disturbed by strange taxi drivers.dude kept me in the taxi for fifteen minutes after arriving at my homejust so that he could tell me how to choose a boyfriendand in the process told me that i'm uglyhah. nothing i didn't know yeah.

2005-05-06T08:17:00.000-07:00

-you know how sometimesyou feel a certain way about some thingsyou want to make it all goodbut somehow it seems likethe more you dothe worse things get?i donno.on a lighter note:today was mostly very lovely.with rainbow balloons and a wonderful surprise,(refer to previous post)and nail-buffing sessions with the class girls.training was good too.as i was telling yw,i think i need a boyfriend or

2005-05-06T07:23:00.000-07:00

i can sing a rainbow!red and yellowand pinkand green,purple and orangeand blue,i can sing a rainbowsing a rainbowsing a rainbow too.(: (:

2005-05-04T04:02:00.000-07:00

-today passed simply and peacefully, but it was lovely in its own way.thanks to all of you, you know who you are.

2005-05-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

-4th of May.no bells or whistles, though.but i like it this way.. so far.

2005-05-03T07:51:00.000-07:00

-oh this is quite amusingi saw from the history folder that my dad has been visiting this site poems.com.sgand i was in shock for a whilei thought my dad was suddenly into poetry or somethingwhich is really very strange considering he's chinese-educated and not really the literary sortso i peeked at the siteand it turned out to bePhilip's On-line Electronic Mart Systemfor SHARES.haha ha.i'm

2005-05-01T09:28:00.000-07:00

-just watched a couple of music videos.the really cliche boy-loves-girl kindthey made me feel soppy-sad for a bit though.no i don't cry from watching these,it just triggers off a wee bit of wistful-ness in me.

2005-04-29T23:15:00.000-07:00

-crazycramps,ugh.um, sleep.yeah sleep. -later.

2005-04-28T08:45:00.000-07:00

-mm yeah.

2005-04-28T08:41:00.000-07:00

-ugh.it's just awful.

2005-04-25T07:39:00.000-07:00

-just did the calculationsand i realised thatmy favourite grape biscuits areAMAZINGLY/TERRIBLY/TRAUMATIZINGLYHIGH IN FAT.ugh.i've been hoarding againi didn't realize until i opened my cupboardand saw the huge stash there.it's not a good sign,but whatever.i just ask for a bit more tolerance on your parti'll get better, one day.

2005-04-23T20:14:00.000-07:00

hits and misses.heard that the j1 OCIP Sarawak team will be going to rumah lulut again.in a way i'm glad that we haven't totally forgotten about thembut somehow it makes me jealousas if those were our people,our memories.it feels like having a different group of people there will taint everything.maybe make the villagers forget us?thinking about the villageand the life theremakes me sad all over

2005-04-23T20:10:00.000-07:00

-am quite proud of myself for being able to cram DE and complex numbers in one night. the test was pretty much alright too, but my lack of practise showed. in any case, i still think lsp's lessons somehow diffused into me during my regular naptimes at math tutorials.

2005-04-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

-something doesn't feel very right with my bodyi'm retaining water like mad, it's painfuland there's this sudden muscle atrophy of some sort which is quite evident in my calvesbut mostly it's my digestive system that's quite screwed-upi don't know how to put it.complex numbers are complex indeedi'm trying to cram the whole topic in one night.yes, i've been sleeping in tutorials again,so shoot

2005-04-20T08:22:00.000-07:00

-really tired today.feeling decidedly better, i suppose.just quitescaredabout some stuff.i'm still standing on shaky ground,i did say i'd need some saving this week, didn't i.

2005-04-19T05:58:00.000-07:00

-you all just disappeared.packed up and left.just when i was at my lowest,feeling so absolutely worthlessand desolate.i wasn't wrong when i said that i'm all alone, was i.where are all of you.where.

2005-04-18T08:19:00.000-07:00

-mmm. going to sleep soon.actually, make that now.i'm quite exhausted.bring on the vitC..! i've been taking mega-doses these few days and it does seem to work. but i'm still not completely well, and i think i'm getting quite big. in stephaniewong's words, MEATY. anyway, the sheer monstrosity of my calves is like, yuck. everyone's been commenting on how big they are. diet-time. eat less, weigh

2005-04-17T05:39:00.000-07:00

--kind of talking to myself-ignored you-beep-but i love you so.-different yous.-um. forgot to bathe.-better go now in case i forget again today.-i need a miracle,-i need you.-i'll need some saving this coming week.

2005-04-16T21:15:00.000-07:00

2005-04-16T10:09:00.000-07:00

-I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touchI fell too fast, I feel too much.

2005-04-16T10:08:00.000-07:00

-Oh I really should have knownBy the time you drove me homeBy the vagueness in your eyesYour casual good-byesBy the chill in your embraceThe expression on your faceThat told me you might have some advice to giveOn how to be insensitive

2005-04-14T08:10:00.000-07:00

-maybe-you're gonna be the one that saves me.i think it's one of those low points on the sinusoidal graph of my moods. i don't like to impose. but really, i was hoping you'd ask.it's topsy-turvy from within. i haven't felt such a myriad of emotions for a while: yesterday i was seething with anger, today i'm kinda wobbly all over, blue, half-crying both inside and out. i don't want to talk anymore

2005-04-14T06:21:00.000-07:00

(semi) whitewashed.have you seenher bloodshot eyesthe swollen edges of her mouththe calloused handsthe chipmunk cheeks?have you seenher when she's in the bathroomlocked in the cubiclehand in her mouthbent over the toiletbent over the toiletbent over the toilet?have you seenher wasting away?she's that face in the crowdthe one you meet along the corridorthe one you always smile atthe one who waves

2005-04-14T06:14:00.000-07:00

-expectations and responsibilities.-don't expect.-don't impose your views on me.-you martyr.-hurtful.-childish.-i really can't be bothered.-this is so stupid.

2005-04-12T08:05:00.000-07:00

-had a bad fall today,the entire left side of me hurts like crazy.well at least i'm well-paddedit could have been worse i guess,imagine if i had osteoporosis.-the past few days haven't been peachythe b/p-ing and allcoupled with a slight coldi feel about ninety years old.i could do with a hug.it's been a long time,plus i've been having this repulsion towards physical contact of any kind.now i just

2005-04-12T03:42:00.000-07:00

missing dog.White, Male Minature MalteseResponds to the name, Ruffie.The dog was lost around Aljunied area, on the night of 10th of April. A REWARD OF $500 will be awarded to the kind-hearted soul who finds the dog.Please contact 90284899 (HP), Andrew.

2005-04-10T04:55:00.000-07:00

-mmm.watched turn left turn right with my mum this afternoon. bathed rabbits. i think my sister's rabbit is a devil incarnate. it jumped onto my head and scratched me across my back. grr.back to school tomorrowam wishing i could quit school.no i take that backschool is fairly tolerable now i guess.just that i resent not having enough time to spendwith the people i love.i'm listening to say it

2005-04-09T09:09:00.000-07:00

divided we stand, united we fall.sometimes i wonder why i post lyrics. it's not as if i really feel like i can relate to them, or that they particularly reflect how i feel. maybe it's just for show, to prove that i have feelings, like you and you and you. but no i don't feel. i don't feel and i don't feel and i don't want to feel anything anymore.

2005-04-09T08:55:00.000-07:00

-time checki started this entry at 10.40pmmore than an hour has passedi think i'm going to sleep nowmaybe in my dreams there'll be some hope.bye, now.

2005-04-08T06:45:00.000-07:00

hearts.my growing collection. <3<3

2005-04-08T05:47:00.000-07:00

-some highlights of this week-1. no chem tutorials at all because wl was absent the whole week, so i could get some much needed shut-eye.2. school work seems to be getting easier to understand after i decided to slack off a bit.3. i finished my physics prac very fast on monday so i was allowed to leave class and thus end school early.4. lsp doesn't mind me sleeping during math tutorials.5. i've

2005-04-08T05:16:00.000-07:00

-friday night,there's just me and the music.(and gan mao cha).

2005-04-06T02:59:00.000-07:00

-Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out, it doesn't matter much to me.-i miss a lot of stuff. like skipping lessons and camping in the dentist's van with dr. eugene. like actually enjoying training. having early days. just having j around to make everything feel right.ah yucks i'm dissolving into a wishy-washy thing.

2005-04-03T01:53:00.000-08:00

-long jump for national junior's today. nothing spectacular, as usual. at least my run-up was good, so i'm quite pleased.it was raining like maozedong just died or something.. and the competition went on. i didn't bring my windbreaker so i was shivering and my teeth were chattering, but the jump was still okay. means my adversity quotient is going up! heh heh nyeh. -am feeling rather disoriented.

2005-04-02T05:11:00.000-08:00

-I was waiting for an indication,It was hard to find.

2005-03-31T08:15:00.000-08:00

-i could hardly believe it, when i heard the news todayi'm smiling; but sadly, grimly.you turned left, i turned right: maybe one day we'll meet again.but for now, i'm out of this game.

2005-03-27T07:30:00.000-08:00

look.at this. amazing. it's very hard to do, mind you. go try if you have the time.

2005-03-26T18:36:00.000-08:00

-no i'm not going to talk to you HAHA HA.

2005-03-26T03:46:00.000-08:00

this made me laugh for a minute."Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!!"

2005-03-26T03:29:00.000-08:00

-i'm happy for you! (:you're happy, and that's all that matters.

2005-03-25T21:37:00.000-08:00

-in some little obscure area of my mindi vaugely remember that i'm supposed to have some sort of life. what is it now. go to school on weekdays, i think. i think i'm supposed to study very hard. during recess and lunchtimes, i'm supposed to meet this bunch of people and talk to them... and after school i'm supposed to run around the track and jump at the pit. i think. that's what i'm supposed to

2005-03-25T19:01:00.000-08:00

homy.her deathday anniversary yesterday, her birthday tomorrow.it's been six years.

2005-03-25T05:22:00.000-08:00

-after a day of solitude(ikea, queensway and painful feet)i've realised that i quite like it this waythe whole keeping-everyone-at-arm's-length thingit's what was meant for me, really.

2005-03-24T09:05:00.000-08:00

-who's going to wave the pom-poms for me.i try my best, i really do. it's the middle of the night and i'm so terribly alone.

2005-03-18T21:09:00.000-08:00

-you know i would wave the pom-poms for you, anytime.take heart.

2005-03-16T20:41:00.000-08:00

-Dream your dreams in my earBaby just get me outta hereso tell me what stuff dreams are made off!ding, what is the big unknown?

2005-03-15T19:47:00.000-08:00

-i'm cleaning out my room nowjust keeping what i needand thrashing the rest.i wish i could do that with my life toomy mindmy heartjust take what i need and dump everything else.unfortunately it's not that easyplus i don't even know where to starti'm so tired all the time nowsleeping isn't helpingi just feel weaker as the days go bybefore the hols started i thought things would get better once i

2005-03-15T06:58:00.000-08:00

all we need is just a little patience.i give up, alright? i really give up.

2005-03-15T05:17:00.000-08:00

-Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connectioni'm very tired from track camp, i barely slept at all last night. there was talking with sw for about four hours until three am, which revealed much and was disturbing in a sense but still good all the same. then about an hour's sleep and more games till about six am. half-slept till seven. camp ended at eight plus.i don't really like narrating my

2005-03-13T14:55:00.000-08:00

-away at track camp, 14-15 March 2005still contactable by handphone.